Disclaimer: This is my personal opinion and I mean no offense to any subsect of people referenced to or talked about in this article.

For a long time, I thought I was asexual because I just wasn’t attracted to the average masculine man. I always thought, “Is there something wrong with me? Did I miss a significant biological developmental phase in my teenage years or embryo formation stage?” It took a while to find an answer.

Especially because in high school, (or rather secondary school as it is called here in Nigeria), I didn’t have any sexual attraction to anyone. Neither male nor female. And it felt odd. But I wasn’t really bothered by it. Because by and large, romance and “love” are never forefront in my thought process. They’re usually like after-thoughts for me personally.

But due to peer pressure and societal pressure, I always felt like I HAD to “fall in love” or “want to kiss” a masculine male. If not, I would be deemed a prude. But was I a prude really? Or I just wasn’t feeling anything for these masculine males I was being pressured into liking.

I think part of the reason romance and sex wasn’t forefront in my head unlike the way it was forefront for my other secondary school classmates, was because I genuinely didn’t feel anything for anybody. Every guy felt bland, like boiled white rice, no taste. And all the guys in my school were different flavors of masculine, tall, short, but nonetheless masculine. In Lagos and Ogun where I’ve spent most of my life, I don’t think I ever came across a guy that wasn’t masculine. Every guy was the same, masculine.

That was until 2021.

I was 22 years old at the time, freshly graduated from college, and scrolling YouTube in my apartment, when I saw a certain video thumbnail on YouTube of a young man with long hair. The thumbnail of this video had a man with long hair and he looked “pretty” so I clicked.

A man with long hair is a bit of a rare sight. It’s not as common as low haircut which is more common in men. I was intrigued and clicked because right from the thumbnail, the man looked so good, so beautiful actually.

I clicked on the video and the young man began to speak in the video. I was flabbergasted. Shocked. Enthralled. Taken aback. Dumbfounded. Amazed. I couldn’t even process or understand what I was feeling. All I just thought was, “is this what sexual attraction, that is so frequently sung about, feels like?”

I watched the video till the very end and had to pause a bit to let what I had just watched sink in. It was absolutely a turning point for me because I absolutely found that guy very sexually attractive. He was South-East Asian, had long hair with length just over his shoulder, had full lips, piercing eyes and the most captivating feminine-man voice I’d ever heard. He had high pitched voice.

All these traits combined together made him one of the most beautiful feminine men I’ve ever seen since 2021 even till now. Since then, I went on to dive into the world of feminine men and femboys. And I discovered that I truly was attracted to the femininity in men. Although I had to actively seek videos of this kind out, because they weren’t commonly promoted or seen in media. The video of this fem-guy that I found on YouTube as since been deleted by the YouTuber to my horror. Everyday I go to his channel to see if he has any new videos or re-uploaded that video, but it’s all empty. But I still have screenshot photos of his look in that YouTube thumbnail on my phone. And yes, I still look at that photo and marvel. Sorry if it sounds weird. We’ve all had crushes.

This is a stark contrast to the normalised attraction to masculinity in men. Women are supposed to be attracted to the masculinity, so why then was I so mesmerized by a feminine man?

My answer to this question personally would be a combination of genetic factors and my kind of upbringing growing up. To be very honest, I’m more on the masculine side as a woman. Currently, I wear strictly masculine clothes and shoes with braided or dreadlocked shoulder length/short hair. This is my personal style. So if you saw me from afar or from my side profile, you would assume I’m a twink, a short man with long hair or a tomboy. I’ve never “chosen” to express masculinity, it just comes naturally for me. I’m never comfortable in gowns or feminine clothing. I’ve also never understood why women feel the need to show their “shape” or wear tight fitting clothes. They just weren’t comfortable for me. And to be frank, I’d rather hide the fact that I have breasts and butt.

As for my upbringing, I always felt like my dad was the more empathetic and caring one, moreso than my mum. And I believe that also subsconsciously shaped what I look for in men. Even though my dad is absolutely in no way feminine in mannerisms or appearance. But yes, he was nice and he listened to me.

For me, femininity in men is not just their ability to crossdress. In fact, seeing a masculine man crossdressing into ill fitting feminine gowns or skirts is a huge turn off. Because sorry to say, they look weird in it. Especially because I’ve seen a number of pictures of these type of people on the internet. Also, no offense to drag queens but since they look like a “carbon-copy” of women, I can no longer see the “man” in there. So no, I don’t find drag queens attractive or even trans-women attractive. Since they’re no longer feminine men.

What I mean by feminine men is in the feminine aura/mannerisms they exude. The tenderness with which they flick/brush their hair off their boy face (whether long or short hair doesn’t matter), the tenderness of their voice when they speak, the “girly” enthusiasm of them, the softness of their personality, the nurturing vibe they give off, the crop tops they wear, their feminine dances, their feminine mannerisms etc.

Most male crossdressers fail to communicate that feminine aura and mannerism, which makes them a huge turn off. Or look too much of a woman’s carbon copy for me to find attractive.

There is a fine line between being a feminine man and becoming an absolute carbon copy of a woman.

I’m attracted to feminine men, not men with boobs or a woman’s carbon copy. What attracts me is the MAN showing femininity. If I can’t see the “man” in all that femininity, then I don’t feel attracted.

Nowadays, femboys have gotten even more popular on the internet especially on Twitter and TikTok. And I’m absolutely loving it. It’s like heaven. When I was growing up where there was a lot of women swooning over men with six packs, muscles and deep voices which I never related to. I now have something to swoon over now too. I go on the internet and my FYP (For You Page) is full of my “type”.

My specific flavor of sexual attraction is what we call RR — meaning gender Role Reversal. Gender Role Reversal (RR) is when traditional aspects of relationships where, what men and women are supposed to be in relationships is flipped. So, the woman takes on the man’s traditional role and the man takes on the traditional woman’s role. This is gender role reversal.

Gender Role Reversal saved my life. And gives me peace. And it is absolutely valid. There are communities dedicated to role reversal type relationships on Reddit.com and you’ll find related content on TikTok and social media in general. This relationship style is very valid. And just adds more flavor to the diversity of life in general. Variety is the spice of life and this is one of such varieties. We can’t all love and have sex the same.